When my husband and I had been married a few years, we took a group of youth on a mission trip. Near the end of the trip we went white water rafting and there was an accident. Half of our raft got thrown out in a Class IV rapids. The guide and I were able to get back in almost immediately. But a teen and Shawn were out longer. I watched Shawn tumbling and tumbling down the rapids in front of us, clearly not getting all the breath he needed. And the girl was stuck under the raft. All of us in the raft were holding on, feeling under the water for the girl. After what seemed like an eternity, the guide felt her paddle, pulled on it and got her back in the raft. About 100 yards down river, we caught up to my well-battered husband. I was the one that took hold of his life vest. I wasn't strong enough to pull him in alone. With the help of 2 others, we hoisted him in and he fell on me: bluish-white, bloody, and breathing ragged. But breathing! And no bones sticking out. Everyone was safe, thank God.
During the time that Shawn was tumbling in the river and I was watching helplessly, I had an amazing realization: There was nothing I regretted about our life together. There was nothing unsaid that needed to be said. There were no choices I would have made differently. If he were to die, I wouldn't grieve any choices I made.
Since that day, I have striven to keep this up. Regularly I will review my life and consider those I love and imagine one of us has died. Is there anything I would regret? If so, I try to shift my life so that I can always say at any moment, "there is nothing I regret."